The widow who lives
in the house behind mine
replaced her deceased
husband with a burglar
alarm and went to Florida.
When the wind blows
too hard or there's thunder,
a loud motorcycle or a fire
engine passes in the street,
that sucker goes off
like an unremitting
air-raid siren,
and it doesn't stop
for hours unless
someone turns it off;
and the most likely
someone to do that
is in Florida. But
she has a daughter
who checks the house
every now and then.
I don't know her name
or where she lives
so I send postcards
to the house;
freebies I get
at the Knitting Factory,
promoting rock groups,
art galleries, museums,
festivals, performance artists,
walkathons, record albums,
liquor companies, concerts.
The one thing they have
in common is that they are
uncommonly weird. Not
the type of thing
widows who run off
to Florida normally
receive in the mail.
Attention-getters
to attract the attention
of the married daughter
who comes to check the mail
and the burglar alarm
every now and then.
Postcards, where the message
is on the outside
for her to read.
Sent anonymously
upon each occurrence
to date
in the following order:
Andy Warhol - double torsos:
"Please have your alarm checked
it seems to go off too often."
- your neighbor
The Kronos Quartet at BAM:
"Your alarm went off
three times last night
due to the wind. Please
have it adjusted."
- a tired neighbor
Tanqueray Imported English Gin:
"It's 3 a.m. and your goddam
alarm has been going for an hour.
I think a branch bumped your house.
Please do something."
- an exhausted nearby resident
Mammoth Records:
"Your alarm continues
to be a problem. By now
every burglar in the county
knows you're not home
and your neighbors could
give a shit less! Ever hear
of the boy who cried 'wolf'?"
- pissed off in Stewart Manor
SonicNet - Rock & Roll BBS:
"Today a bird shit on your roof
and your fucking alarm went off.
I'm going over there to tear
the fucker off the side of the house
and while I'm there, I may go inside
and take a look around."
- the pink fucking panther
1996
Posts
